working?

[magicicada]

i've been doing a lot of research for temp jobs the past couple of days. i think to myself that maybe i'm working too hard, but i feel compelled. i think part of me does miss work. this would be work that i could often take sylvia with me, so i don't really feel too much guilt, although there is a limit to how much computer time she will let me have. i get a few things done each day, but there are a lot of things which never seem to move off of my to-do list.

Comments

guilt

[gardenwaltz.livejournal.com]

the guilt level was more because i kept trying to get unbroken spaces of time and concentration, while sylvia was squawking etc that she needed attention. she does need a lot of care and time, but at the same time, i know that it's ok to hold her off for a moment to finish a thought. it's the search for balance which is so difficult for me.

Re: guilt

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better I have never managed to find that balance. Good Luck it's a moving target.

Re: guilt

[gardenwaltz.livejournal.com]

you know, i think that does help. i try to remind myself that every day she gets bigger and more independent, but she's still so tiny.

Re: guilt

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

One day she is going to be walking around and wonder off. She will panic and cry wanting her mommy. She will taste freedom and so will you. Anna has her days where she will not let go of me and ten minutes later will want nothing to do with me. Unfortunately or fortunately she doesn't want me leaving her when she doesn't want me. Sort of a, "don't-touch-me but you can't leave either!" mood. Yesterday, she had part of her nap on my chest *content sigh*.

Re: guilt

[gardenwaltz.livejournal.com]

i know she will only get further away and this does help with dealing with some of her neediness. sylvia still takes most of her naps on me and i know i will miss them when she is older.

Re: guilt

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

Anna took her naps on me for the first 10 months. When we stopped, she slept better, my back felt better, but I think we would both happily do it again. Yesterday was her first nap on me in a long time. I love the snuggles and frankly she is never that still when awake.