working?

[magicicada]

i've been doing a lot of research for temp jobs the past couple of days. i think to myself that maybe i'm working too hard, but i feel compelled. i think part of me does miss work. this would be work that i could often take sylvia with me, so i don't really feel too much guilt, although there is a limit to how much computer time she will let me have. i get a few things done each day, but there are a lot of things which never seem to move off of my to-do list.

Comments

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

I stayed home for 10 months. When I took Anna to daycare she fussed but they said that after I left she was happy-happy. These days, she is happy to go, be with her friends, sometimes gets weird coming home. My point is, don't feel guilty. There are choices to make and the one best for the two of you is the best. I have never felt guilty for putting Anna in daycare because we are both happy and thriving. I still haven't worked a single week full-time since starting work again. I want to be with Anna when she's sick, or spend quality time together in Mommy & Me, or just being together. I don't know when i will go to full-time but probably not anytime soon.

Daycare to me is like bottle verse breast. My family back three generations worked. None of us stayed home. To stay home was hell and when I'm miserable, Anna's not to happy either. I love the occasional day home. I love to play in the grass, go to events, and just goof off with Banana Girl/Goofball. Unfortunately, both of us like excitement and staying home isn't exciting. Beth on the other hand loves it and has no regrets. I am glad I got out of the house when I did. Be careful about what kind of daycare you get. I think a lot of it is how you perceive daycare. I trust them and Anna loves them. If Anna was to get upset going in one day, I would ask questions. I show up at any time during the day and they are always good to her. I pay more for daycare because the ratio is very low (doctor recommended).

Do what is best for you and your family.

guilt

[gardenwaltz.livejournal.com]

the guilt level was more because i kept trying to get unbroken spaces of time and concentration, while sylvia was squawking etc that she needed attention. she does need a lot of care and time, but at the same time, i know that it's ok to hold her off for a moment to finish a thought. it's the search for balance which is so difficult for me.

Re: guilt

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better I have never managed to find that balance. Good Luck it's a moving target.

Re: guilt

[gardenwaltz.livejournal.com]

you know, i think that does help. i try to remind myself that every day she gets bigger and more independent, but she's still so tiny.

Re: guilt

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

One day she is going to be walking around and wonder off. She will panic and cry wanting her mommy. She will taste freedom and so will you. Anna has her days where she will not let go of me and ten minutes later will want nothing to do with me. Unfortunately or fortunately she doesn't want me leaving her when she doesn't want me. Sort of a, "don't-touch-me but you can't leave either!" mood. Yesterday, she had part of her nap on my chest *content sigh*.

Re: guilt

[gardenwaltz.livejournal.com]

i know she will only get further away and this does help with dealing with some of her neediness. sylvia still takes most of her naps on me and i know i will miss them when she is older.

Re: guilt

[fizzgig-bites.livejournal.com]

Anna took her naps on me for the first 10 months. When we stopped, she slept better, my back felt better, but I think we would both happily do it again. Yesterday was her first nap on me in a long time. I love the snuggles and frankly she is never that still when awake.